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  • Writer's pictureCatherine Smart

Puppy(ies) Love

Yesterday after dinner, I was feeling sad and missing Luna really hard. I went into the kitchen to do dishes and have a little time to cry alone. [Why has no marketing genius come up with a commercial about how using their product makes grief cleaning more meaningful? “Now in new Lemon Scent!”]

These weren’t the great wracking sobs from the night the accident happened, but the kind of crying where your heart constricts and your eyes just leak and no noise comes out. [side note: I’m not sure why I felt the need to just describe different ways I snot-bubble cry, but now you know my MO in case we ever watch a Hallmark holiday movie together.]

Anyway. After a few minutes Sunny (who has only lived in our home for about 28 hours at this point) came into the kitchen and sat down right by my leg. She just looked up at me the whole time I did dishes.

I was feeling so guilty about Luna, that I should have protected her better, and loved on her as she was hurt instead of wailing like a banshee driving to the vet clinic. Then I looked at Sunny’s earnest little face, just looking up at me patiently. She just sat and waited. She never looked away, just tilted her little head back and watched me until I was done.

This must be scary for Sunny too. I mean, leaving all her puppy siblings, showing up at a new place not knowing anyone and having to deal with this crazy family.

Dogs decide, though. They’ve got one poker strategy, and it’s to go all in. They don’t hold back their love in ways we humans do (fear, insecurity, etc). Luna did it with us – she loved and trusted us completely. Now this 22 pound yellow lab baby came willingly into our Luna-grieving house and decided, okay. These are my people now. And she sat and waited for me.

Sunny being earnest.

I’m sorry to be so public with grief about our dog. I promise to not inundate you with Sunny photos either. As I age (faster and faster, according to the frizzy gray hairs that surround my face like a military perimeter), it’s become more important to me to connect with people and show vulnerability. Right now, this is where I’m at. Happy and sad, hopeful and regretful.

I’m pretty sure there’s a dog for that.

Our Luna durl

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